Today I'm feeling very hateful.
I woke up feeling pretty good. I sluffed my History of Rock and Roll class and watched some bow hunting on TV.
Great start to they day right?
Then my mom took me and Tyler to lunch for his birthday... so far so good.
Then things went downhill.
I went to my mom's place to work on some homework. Lots of homework.
As I was opening my computer to get started I thought about the fact that my friends are going hunting right now while I'm doing homework. I hate that. I want to be with my friends.
Then I thought about how this is one of my last chances to even hang out with all my friends before Steve-O moves to start his new job.
Lately, I've been really bummed out. Me and all my friends are growing up. Some of us go on missions, some of us move away to college and some of us get engaged, married or have kids.
The relationships that I've had for years, including the one with my best friend, are changing. We're all going our different ways and as much as I want things to be the same, they just wont be.
But over the past few months, I've gotten really close with a few people around here. I have the best group of friends I could ask for.
If one of us moves to Moroni and needs a place to live, we are welcomed with open arms and are included as part of the family, and group of friends.
If one of us wants to learn how to bow hunt, they're there to get you a bow and teach you how to shoot it.
If one of us rolls a four-wheeler down a mountain, we're all there gladly in our coveralls to pull it out.
As often as possible, we all get together for family dinner and watch our favorite dumb TV show, or new movie.
I honestly couldn't ask for a better group of people.
But that's changing too. With Steven moving at the end of the week, it just feels like there's going to be something missing.
I don't like that things always have to change. I finally feel like I'm part of something, and now that's changing too.
I don't like growing up. I wish things could be as simple as they were my junior year when I spent every night with my best friend and all of our friends. Our biggest concern was when someone was talking too loud when we wanted to watch 'Rat Race.'
I don't like college either.
I'm stressed out.
I have so much homework and honestly, I just don't get it. I messed around in high school and now I'm paying the price. I can barely focus in class, and trying to get stuff done outside of class is nearly impossible.
Right now I'm supposed to be working on my 8 page research paper that is due in a week and I can't even focus on that.
And on top of it all... I'm trying everything I can to quit chewing tobacco. It's a disgusting habit that I hate. I've gone almost two weeks without it and it's taking a toll on me.
I know that if I put one in, it would calm me down and I'd be able to get my homework done, but I don't want to do that. I know that two weeks isn't much, but it's a start. And a start that I'm proud of.
I'm just stressed out. I think I need some more Duck Dynasty in my life.
